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Summation.

June 12th, 2011 by

Never thought I'd be relieved to hear about a Dallas sportsteam's victory.

MIAMI HEAT die nasty alright

'MIAMI HEAT die nasty alright' he said.

Thanks, Gregory.

And thanks, Mavs.

"With the San Francisco Giants, it’s バイ バイ 赤ちゃん!"

September 29th, 2010 by

Bye Bye Baby

Wowww.

Yes.

From The M-OceanView Journal:

Found by TenAndFive.com's James Hutchinson, this work of unspeakable geekiness is inexorably awesome.

Clockwise from the top left, the players are: closer Brian Wilson, catcher Buster Posey, 1B/OF Aubrey Huff, SP Tim Lincecum, and SP Matt Cain.

Good work, n8dawg from DA. Nailed the details from Cain's post-pitch glare and high socks to Wilson's beard, wrist tattoo and fist-pump. Good work, indeed.

'Cause when the Giants come to town, it's バイ バイ 赤ちゃん!

"I'M GON' RACE LIKE I'M GON' FUCK!" Go-Karting, maniacal laughter, and the joy of the racetrack.

August 4th, 2010 by

One woman in one grand prix go-kart on one racetrack.

She was Driver #6. This is her story.

The course.

***

Lap one: "Check... it... out!"

***

Interlude: Driver #6 has words for the slow drivers in front of her.

***

Lap two: "I own this bitch!"

***

Lap three: "Burnin' fucking rubber, man!"

***

Lap four: "I'M GON' RACE LIKE I'M GON' FUCK!"

***

Toughest band ever? Toughest band ever.

July 27th, 2010 by

Try and tell 'em any different.

The Fearsome Foursome

These gents are, left to right: Merlin Olsen, Deacon Jones, Lamar Lundy, and (sitting in front) Rosey Grier.

Together, they are The Fearsome Foursome.


(This one is for Dell, a kindly, example-setting gentleman of the ukulele. Photo found via The Night Marchers' MySpace page. Larger version of the photo found on Ukelele Underground. At this point, Armstrong would likely insist on "Ram It," and rightly so.)

The 7-10 split and how to beat it.

June 15th, 2010 by

7-10 split. Brutal.

I know how he feels.

Now, here's what it looks like when this particular demon is vanquished.

Mark Roth, 1980/01/05:

John Mazza, 1991:

Jess Stayrook, 1991:

These are the only three times to this date that a 7-10 split has been converted during televised bowling events.

But the next time you see it, you'll know that it can be defeated.

(Photo via twistedvintage.blogspot.com.)

Big Daddy Drew Magary expounds on why European train stations invite American violence and other truths.

June 15th, 2010 by
Gare du Nord station in Paris.

"Leaving Paris from Gare du Nord (this station can be seen briefly in the Bourne Identity & Bourne Supremacy)." via Flickr user dbray46.

"Big Daddy Drew" Magary dispenses some of the best advice in the world.

His gleefully profane, unerringly right-on-target words of wisdom entertain mightily even as they may possibly "advise." He's right up there in the advice-giving pantheon of greats with Susanna Williams and Fat Wreck Chords' Floyd.

In addition to his monstrously funny NFL writing at Kissing Suzy Kolber, Magary hosts a Reader Mail Funbag over on Deadspin that runs on Tuesday and Thursday. This is where the advising happens. Recurring topics include beer, acceptable courses of action, and poop.

Quite a few of these Funbag letters and their retorts have concerned the heroic scenarios that run through the minds of men at any given time. From last Thursday's Deadspin Funbag, this is one of those letters:

JDB:

Just came back from a trip to the UK and the EU. Each time I presented my passport, or hopped on a train, or walked into a new restaurant, I was acting out scenes from the Bourne movies, sizing up the room and potential threats. Even though I can't speak another language and wouldn't last three seconds in a Paul Greengrass-style fight, I WAS Jason Bourne every day of my three-week trip. I am the best spy in the world.

Drew Magary:

The European train stations get me every time. They're all so big and elegant looking. You just want to take a hostage and start shooting everyone in your path.

Matt Damon as Jason Bourne doing something spy-esque near a train.

Matt Damon as Jason Bourne doing something spy-ish near a train. You see how this happens?

The passport is also a nice touch, because everyone's passport photo looks like a mug shot taken at 4AM. Then they give you those stamps and it's like the path of a known fugitive. LOOK! HE'S BEEN TO INSTANBUL! IS THAT WHERE HE MET THE RUSSIANS?

When I am disgustingly rich (I have many plans for when I am rich), I will purchase dozens of fake passports and ID's and convert thousands of dollars into various foreign currencies. Then, I will buy a safety deposit box in a bank. Then I will place the passports and ID's and money and a gun in the box and leave it there. Then, when I die, I will leave my son the key to that box. Then he will open it up and be fucking DAZZLED. Dad was goddamn BADASS.

Yes. Yes!

I love all of this so much, but I love that final paragraph's idea so so much that the first time I read it, I laughed 'til there were tears. Tears of joy.

Thank you, Drew. Thank you.

(Photo of Gare du Nord via Flickr user dbray46. Photo of Matt Damon via guardian.co.uk.)

The conflict of two men indelibly captured by camera.

June 14th, 2010 by

From the always entertaining Deadspin via Andy Gray of Sports Illustrated's Vault comes this amazing image.

England vs Argentina in 1986 quarterfinals of the World Cup.

There is so much in this picture to note: the reactions of the bystanders, the expressions of the combatants, the sheer inertia happening and about-to-happen.

Words to go with the image from Deadspin:

As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo.

As the World Cup begins, and soccer fans wake up from their four-year slumber, let's look back at the 1986 quarterfinals matchup between Argentina and England. A crowd of nearly 115,000 fans packed Aztec Stadium for this meeting of two powerhouses. It turned out the action in the stands was every bit as exciting as the action on the field. In the photo you see here, an English fan (towel on head) exchanges blows with a Argentina supporter (tie), a sort of Falklands War in miniature, only this fight probably lasted longer. Clive Gammon describes the atmosphere on a hot summer day in Mexico City:

Like Diego Maradona, as the 114,580 people who watched him play for Argentina in its 2-1 win over England at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City on Sunday would testify. There had been speculation that the game would be a bloodbath, a soccer-field replay of the 1982 Falklands conflict, IT'S WAR, SEÑOR! headlined The Sun, the notorious London tabloid and WE PLAY AGAINST THE "PIRATES" thundered the equally notorious Cronica of Buenos Aires. The game was a tough one, but there were few political echoes.

Visit the SI Vault here and follow it on Twitter here.

Ah, sports. Oh, people.

Baseball in America, now

June 2nd, 2010 by

Asheville vs Savannah

This just in from our friend and colleague Mr. Scott Armstrong representing the city and county of San Francisco on the radio play-call as the Asheville Tourists are playing the Savannah Sand Gnats in a Single-A game this evening.

The score is tied 2-2 going into the top of the eighth inning.